Cold Intimacies: The Paradox of Digital Dating in China

Abstract

With the rapid growth of digital technology, digital dating platforms has become an integral part of social interaction and romantic relationships. In China, the rise of dating apps has significantly commodified interpersonal engagements. Platforms like Tantan have not only redefined how young people connect but have also facilitated a new form of “cold intimacy”. This study explores the evolving landscape of online dating in China, particularly through the lens of the Tantan app, and examines how it reshapes young people’s perceptions and practices of intimacy. Using Lauren Berlant’s concept of “cruel optimism,” this paper investigates how the promise of connection through dating platforms may foster an attachment to unattainable ideals, leaving users disillusioned. It employs a mixed-methods approach to analyze user experiences, revealing how online dating commodifies intimacy and fosters “cold intimacy”, where users quantify and homogenize themselves, catering to societal and personal expectations. The consequences of this commodification are explored through Byung-Chul Han’s theories on the impact of consumer culture on human emotions. Ultimately, this paper concludes that in this consumer-driven, efficiency-obsessed emotional landscape, the pursuit of authentic intimacy becomes more elusive, as both societal pressures and digital platforms influence modern love. Understanding these dynamics offers insights into the challenges faced by contemporary Chinese youth as they navigate their romantic and emotional lives in a technology-mediated society.